Talk About It Anyway

In March—though it now feels like a year, because a lot has happened since then—I wrote a piece titled What Are You Talking About?, which was a reminiscence of the unexpected results of a random conversation. Today, after a very interesting day, I found myself thinking about how true that piece still is.

There are a couple of mind-blowing experiences in the world (as I found myself asking a colleague today what some of their “damn this is great” experiences were, while I told them of my latest obsession with sushi). However, it is always a bit exhilarating when something I’ve written about—publicly, privately—or mused on in my head shows up in real life.

So, what happened today?

Tonight while grabbing dinner with my team, I somehow found myself talking about one of the items on my impossible board, which is to complete a triathlon.

It doesn’t matter that I don’t even know how to swim; I mean, I only learned how to bike last year. This time last year, I was a safety hazard on the road, but as of now, I can bike with one hand. Next step, no hands.

When I mentioned the triathlon idea, someone at the table asked, “Can you run?” Well… can I? If we count running to catch the bus, then yes, I can run, and I do that every few days, sometimes more than once in a day. Another colleague said, “what kinda watch are you wearing? You should connect it to Strava.”

Someone else added, “Start walking. Can you do 15km?” Then it escalated to, “walk from Rotterdam to Den Haag. Pass through Schiedam, so if you collapse, you can crash at another colleague’s house.”

At some point, I mentioned I was planning to cycle to work next year for the “cycle-to-work” challenge, and someone’s immediate response was, “Why wait till next year?” My manager also pulled out their phone to check the distance I’d have to bike, and suddenly, I was negotiating with reality in real time.

By the end of the dinner, while the group dispersed and we moved on to other conversations, my mind never really left that discussion. I was energized. I’m not deluded, I know it might take a decade, half a decade, two years, or never, but as I write this, I feel unstoppable. I could run 50km right now, obviously untrue, but emotionally convincing.

Growing up, we were told that “life and death are in the tongue.” And honestly… true that, mehn. I published my “impossible board” to keep myself accountable, but until we had that conversation, I didn’t believe I could pull off training for, let alone finishing, a triathlon.

I almost went for a run when I got home. Almost. But I didn’t. I even found myself wondering if I could go running tomorrow, but that’s impossible, because I need to rest for a volleyball game on Friday, which I hope I am not terrible at (I promise you, this is not an excuse, or maybe it is).

Every day, I have come to understand a little more how much of life is shaped not just by what we think, but by what we say out loud and who hears it.

So, right now, as I sit on my sofa, writing this by the light of a floor lamp (I still haven’t connected the ceiling light, because how do I even do it. But IDK, who even needs them anyway?), I find myself asking the same question I did in March: what are you talking about?

I once wrote that we should read more, but today, I want to say, we should talk more. Have casual exchanges with people. It doesn’t have to go anywhere or feel like anything in the moment. Just let your thoughts meet the world and be tested, expanded, challenged, and encouraged.

You may worry about being articulate, as I often do, and as I mentioned to a colleague today when I shied away from a presentation. But it doesn’t matter.

Your speech doesn’t have to be carefully curated or performative. Most of the time, I talk about my latest interests and what I don’t yet understand, and every now and then, the conversation becomes a doorway into something interesting.

I told everyone I am getting my plants delivered tomorrow, and now I have tips on how to hopefully not kill them. And as in my triathlon conversation today, suddenly, an impossible task doesn’t feel so impossible anymore.

So I keep talking, because more often than not, I have realized that’s where my life is hiding.

You’re probably wondering how many of my colleagues I talked to today. Well… if I’m not in the office, not on work calls, not singing, not stubbing my toe and cursing at myself, I basically don’t talk to people for days. So, yeah, I think I try to catch up on my talking quota when I go to the office.